15 little things that all new primary teachers will have discovered by now

It’s your fourth week of primary teaching and a few things will be becoming crystal clear…

  1. The importance of chocolate biscuits in keeping a staffroom happy.
  2. Your pupils’ names. It’s a low bar but an essential one.
  3. When you’re up at 1am planning lessons, it’s less lonely if you watch Bargain Hunt
  4. …and your pupils are now whizzes at counting in tens, then fives, before asking for any further offers.
  5. When you’re up at 1am marking, you start keeping a log of how many different ways reception children spell rabbit. There are currently 27…
  6. …although you are not sure if “D-O-G” really counts, even though Alisha swears it is the name of her brother’s pet rabbit.
  7. Then you meet her brother. And you understand.
  8. You spend your weekends googling stampers.
  9. You can’t believe that there isn’t already a stamper with “Remember your finger spaces” on it. You consider ordering 30,000 of them – enough for every Year 1 teacher in England.
  10. You order a bargain one with “Remember your finger spaces” – it will be invaluable.
  11. When you’re in a nightclub at 1am, telling the sexy barman about your 28 children might not result in a date.
  12. Especially when you can no longer remember their names.
  13. But the personalised stamper has arrived!
  14. And it says “Rememberyourfingerspaces”.
  15. So you auction it off in the staffroom – and get two chocolate biscuits for it.
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